


Just Here on Business

by Kelly_the_Ferret



Series: Leviathan Depths [10]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Fluff and Humor, Gabriel is a lavender pine tree, Genderbending, Heaven is Terrible (Good Omens), Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:00:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21598804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelly_the_Ferret/pseuds/Kelly_the_Ferret
Summary: While humans & animals alike need the Behemoth's roar to calm their aggression, our team of celestials need a way to find the creature.The group sends an envoy to Heaven to cut some bureaucratic red tape, and Gabriel can't resist letting Crowley join the mission.
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Gabriel/Raphael (Good Omens)
Series: Leviathan Depths [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538272
Kudos: 14





	Just Here on Business

**Author's Note:**

> Teen rating is for implied drug use - archangels, Naboo

Anathema and Aziraphale were whispering excitedly as they brought two trays of drinks and snacks into the bookshop's front room. Crowley recognized that the angel was trying to hide a Cheshire grin behind his respective teapot while the witch looked conspicuously innocent.

Once the drinks were passed around and the late comers were updated, Gabriel groaned. "We just freaking missed him! It took the Behemoth months to creep across Africa, and we missed him at the coast by two days!" he lamented.

"Well, why was he creeping around Africa to begin with?" Anathema asked.

"Must have been looking for the Kraken," Gabriel sighed. "God planned an epic fight between them to happen during Armageddon, kind of a firework to add to the grand finale. Then they would be cooked up as a main course at the victory party, since, you know, we were gonna win. The Behemoth left his pen east of the Garden when the Kraken woke up.” The archangel pointed at the other two celestials and added, “Good thinking giving those two the suggestion to look around down there, by the way."

Anathema shook her head in confusion, looking between Aziraphale and Crowley in wonder, and shrugged.

Gabriel continued, "When the Kraken went back to sleep, the Behemoth should have gone home. Only... he didn't. He just kept wandering, drawn towards the Kraken's resting place I guess."

"And you didn't think to check on him?" Naboo demanded. Crowley snorted.

"Look, I've been on sabbatical pretty much since the Armaged-- don't. I let Michael know where I was going, and she said she'd take care of loose ends," Gabriel related with a defensive note.

"Oh-ho! Did you just throw your friend under a bus?" Vince laughed. "You were right, Crowley, he _is_ a tit." 

The archangel glared at the demon, who was experiencing a sudden coughing fit.

"Well, what can we do now? The Behemoth went out to sea to find the Kraken; how do we even track him now?" Anathema interjected.

Aziraphale, who'd been wearing a thoughtful expression, broke his silence. "Beasts of the land, air, and sea. That's what you called the leviathans, dear. Is there another creature?"

"The Ziz," Crowley and Gabriel answered with identical disdain.

"What's... The Ziz?" the witch asked cautiously.

"Bloody, blasted, bird-brained... wanker," the demon muttered.

Gabriel rubbed his forehead and added, "The Ziz is a monumentally large bird with a normal-sized brain. She never shuts up. Her name means 'tastes like anything,' and I was going to kill her myself to serve at the feast."

"Chicken of the End Times..." Anathema murmured.

"Well, where is she? And could she be useful? You know, since the Behemoth and Kraken share a connection," Aziraphale pondered.

"Yeah, Gabriel, where is she now? It's been 3,000 years or so since she last escaped," Crowley sarcastically injected.

"Crowley, why don't you go... get... drunk," the archangel answered, waving a hand towards the demon. He sighed and said, "I moved her to a hidden enclosure like the Behemoth's on the back of the moon during Solomon's reign."

"So, can she find the Behemoth?" Naboo pressed.

"Maybe," Gabriel answered. "But, it’s kind of complicated, like, before we could even consider using her to help, there would have to be a Council meeting. A proposal would have to be brought before the archangels."

"Okay, but that's all we've got at this point," the witch countered. "Who can do a proposal?"

"Well, not me, since I'm on the Council. Aziraphale, you're the only one who can come and go from Heaven, so it's you," the archangel explained.

"Naboo, don't you do some spirit walking or astral projection, mate?" Vince inquired.

"Oh, yeah," the shaman laughed as though just remembering that fact.

"Fine, we'll bring him, too," Gabriel agreed.

The group nominated Howard and Aziraphale, the resident literary heavy-weights, to write the proposal with input from Crowley and Gabriel. Newt arrived in the early evening with a large order of curries and a bunch of bananas, which were eagerly devoured by the shaman's familiar. 

After several hours (and the faces of at least five bookshop regulars had been pressed against the windows), the proposal was written. Anathema helped Naboo prepare the back room for an astral projection while the gorilla fluffed pillows to place under his master. 

"You know, Crowley could probably come with us," Aziraphale ventured.

The demon frowned and quickly followed up with "That's theoretical! I mean, I haven't tried to get back into Heaven since my fall." He glared at Aziraphale, hoping to channel some discrepancy into the angel.

"We can try it," Gabriel scratched his head and responded. "Of course, it might go down easier if they saw a more familiar version of you..." he added, looking at the floor.

Crowley's frown deepened as his gaze also moved to the floor. He glanced at his angel, whose eyes were nervous and hopeful all at once. He heaved a deep sigh. 

With a hand wave, the demon was in her feminine form. She crossed her arms over a black A-line dress. Her dark pearlescent earrings stuck out under a loose up-do, and her fire-engine red lipstick sparkled under uncovered golden eyes.

The celestials left the bookshop for the upward-bound escalator.

At the escalator's precipice, Gabriel led the trio to a spot in front of Heaven's gates. "Your eyes always were that color," he said, looking away from the lady in black.

The top of a turban poked through the ground, and a very translucent Naboo rose in front of the group. They heard a sound similar to a cork popping as the shaman's feet cleared the floor, and he appeared to solidify. "Alright then?" he addressed the three.

"Right," Aziraphale responded resolutely. "Elders first," he said to Gabriel, holding an arm out towards the gates.

Gabriel walked up to a small intercom box next to the gates, and pressed a button. He waited, but no one answered. He glowered, tried again, but still did not get an answer. The archangel drew himself into an imposing stance, moved to stand directly before the gates, and raised a fist to knock loudly. Except that the gate swung open at his first contact. He turned to the group with his brow furrowed. "With me, guys."

The four visitors moved cautiously over Heaven's threshold. Crowley's face twisted into an anxious grimace as she placed a foot past the gate, but she relaxed when her black leather pump touched the marble plaza stone without combusting. Naboo looked around at the polished metal and stone surfaces with wonder. Aziraphale raised a hand to politely knock on a shuttered security kiosk window, but withdrew it when Gabriel silently called his attention to a silver necktie that was hanging on the booth's doorknob. 

The principality looked unsure how to proceed. He gingerly picked up two visitor badges from the counter to pass out. Naboo accepted his with a "Cheers," while the demon rolled her eyes at the garish blue and gold creation. She chose to carry it rather than allow it to clash with her outfit.

The group's footsteps echoed as they moved between the ornately decorated buildings which surrounded the front plaza. "Where is everyone?" Aziraphale asked in a hushed voice.

"I think we'd better go find out," Crowley murmured as Gabriel led the way towards a large, isolated building that had eight fat pillars symmetrically arranged around a set of carved stone double doors. The oval-shaped construct had a two-tiered roof that was divided horizontally by a row of windows which Crowley could swear he could see smoke filtering through. 

Gabriel shoved the doors open, but he seemed to pause when they opened fully. The four travellers peered into a darkened cavernous space that was obscured by a hazy atmosphere. Naboo inhaled deeply, smelling the air, and said, "Very nice," with a grin.

Gabriel looked like he had been thrown completely off his game. He leaned through the doorway and called out, "Hello?" in a voice that Crowley was shocked to identify as anxious.

An English woman's voice cheerfully echoed their way, "Gabriel? That you?"

"Michael? Where are you?"

"Council table; come in!" a male voice with an Eastern European accent answered.

Crowley looked to Gabriel, and murmured "Selaphiel?"

Gabriel shrugged and nodded, and led the group into the haze. 

A table began to take shape as their eyes adjusted to the dim, and Aziraphale noticed that he could see six stately-looking chairs along the back wall behind the table. Each chair was emblazoned with a heavily carved script letter, although only the two center chairs were being used at that moment. He observed that the ceiling had been draped with heavy tapestries which blocked the light from the only windows. As the group approached the table, the smoke revealed what looked like two more chairs at either end of the row that were obscured by velvet drapes. 

When they were closer, Aziraphale could see that Michael had her feet propped up on the table and she had shed her business formal jacket and shoes. Selaphiel's long, wavy hair was loose around his shoulders, and he, too, was without his suit jacket. His tie was loosened, and his arm rested against the handle of a dangling scenser which was filling the room with pungent smoke.

"Halt, who goes?" Michael challenged with a laugh.

Gabriel sounded concerned as he asked, "Are you guys OK?"

"Just holding the fort!" the other archangel answered with a grin. "Wait - Holy seraphim! You brought Rapha -- HER here?"

"It's Crowley now," the demon irritably stated.

"She's here as part of the team working the case you asked me to look into," the archangel in lavender answered. "Where is everyone?"

"Took off to go find themselves," Michael lazily answered. 

"Jegudiel?"

"Started a scripture-based metal band out of Seattle," Selaphiel responded.

"Barachiel?" Gabriel pressed.

"Opened a restaurant in Rome," Michael yawned.

"Uriel?" Gabriel practically begged.

"Writing 'Supernatural' fan fictions in Montreal," Michael said with a laugh which Naboo shared.

Back in the bookshop, Anathema noticed Naboo chuckling in his sleep. Wisps of familiar-smelling smoke drifted out of the small man's ears, causing Bollo to shake his head.

Gabriel approached the Council table with a wondering expression. "Guys, what has been going on around here? Michael, you personally took responsibility for overseeing the stand-down, and now I'm finding out that you didn't even account for the leviathans?"

Michael sat up and fixed Gabriel with a look that could have crushed sand into diamonds. "Oh, and I suppose you're suddenly bothered? Anyway, I'll have you know that they _were_ accounted for!"

The standing archangel held up his arms, frowned deeply, and shot back, "OK! Then bring out the Behemoth! I'll just take him back home on my way out!"

Selaphiel groaned. He nudged his cohort and muttered, "I told you this would be a bigger problem."

Gabriel crossed his arms and leaned back, expectantly.

Michael made an irritated noise. "Look, YOU go walk the archives. The Behemoth's file is in there, closed and filed in the 'ineffable' cabinet, along with all the other loose ends that we couldn’t wrap up."

The visiting archangel looked as though steam would come out of his ears.

"Oh don't look at us like that!" Michael snapped. "You started that file!"

**Author's Note:**

> Selaphiel, Jegudiel, and Barachiel are archangels in the Eastern Orthodox tradition
> 
> Thoughts? Feedback? I love comments!


End file.
